Freshman Year
by Lily Lovett
Summary: Unresolved feelings lead Karma and Amy on an unexpected journey. College AU
1. Comfort

Freshman Year

**Author:** Lilylovett

**Disclaimer:** "Faking It" the TV series © MTV and its related entities. All rights reserved. There is no profit, aside from satisfaction here.

**Rating:** M

**Summary:** Unresolved feelings lead Karma and Amy on an unexpected journey.

**Notes:** In this story, the events of "Faking It" did not happen the way they were presented in canon. Karma still fell for Liam and Amy for Karma, but Karma did not fake being a lesbian with Amy. This is a deeply personal story. It is related to an actual experience, and therefore, in some cases, motivations of characters will not always be made clear.

A severe trigger warning for events to come. More specific warnings will be noted when the chapters come up.

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><p><em><strong>Prologue<strong>_

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><p>Karma Ashcroft loves Amy Raudenfeld. She has never experienced such a pull toward one person in her life; and she knows—revels in the fact even—that Amy feels the same way. They have always said they were kindred spirits, because it feels like no matter the time or place, they would find each other again. There relationship has always seemed to them an undeniable connection that transcends time and other people; whether Karma is dating every boy that seems to pique interest or Amy is beginning to experiment with girls like Reagan, there is no doubt that they'll always go back to each other.<p>

That's why college seemed exciting and not dangerous at all. Karma and Amy had already decided to be roommates in a freshman dorm at the University of Texas. Living on campus, they agreed, would acclimate them to finding other friends and becoming involved in activities they would respectively enjoy. UT was a huge school, and they had heard from older friends it was easy to get lost in the mix and stick to your high school crowd. But admittedly, neither girl had much of a crowd beyond each other, so they were ready to expand.

Karma is a music and education double major. Amy is a computer science major, which Karma has made fun of her for since she put it down on her application junior year. _"I'm best friends with a nerd," Karma would joke, grinning like the Cheshire Cat when Amy's standard reply comes after a healthy beat: "And you wouldn't have it any other way." _Much of the summer going into their freshman year, they still spent an almost unhealthy time at each other's houses. Fantasizing about future epic college significant others, college parties, witty college professors, and overall the new freedom that would come along with University life.

Even though she would never admit it, Karma was fearful of the time they had spent together during the summer. Would Amy become tired of her? She spent all of junior year dazed over Liam Booker, causing an exasperated Amy to distance herself from Karma. She had also somehow confused Amy, causing the other girl to think she was in love with Karma. And that was the first time in years they had actually gone more than 48 hours without seeing each other, at the cause of some event other than a spontaneous family vacation. So, Karma felt like she was now overcompensating ever since she dumped Liam. She had discovered he was only attracted to her, due to his belief that he was the "exception" to her supposed lesbianism, which was not only a misconception, but also hugely offensive to all involved.

Regardless, Karma eventually forgave Liam, especially considering they would see each other around at UT. (He opted for a public university in his undergrad, partially to piss off his upper class parents, but that's a story for another time.) And while Karma made it clear that she would never give Liam the hope of dating him again, she remained his good friend. It turned out easier to talk to him about his escapades with girls than she thought; in turn, Karma only had the occasional mishap between her and Amy to share with him, which he helped her see the sense in those disputes. It turned out be a much better dynamic for them, than when they were actually dating.

Karma knew she had broken Amy's heart junior year. Amy had somehow believed she was in love with Karma, whereas Karma chalked it up to some crush. How could Amy be in love with her, when Karma barely loved herself after the way she let Liam treat her? During senior year, the two spent the entire time figuring out their boundaries. They decided to go into college with a fresh start, all underlying feelings pushed aside to provide way for new friends and relationships.

What Karma wasn't prepared for, was this underlying feeling that maybe Amy meant _too_ much to _her_. They were best friends, yes. But she did not expect the weight of her dependency on the other girl to grow to the point of irrevocable depths.

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><p><em><strong>1. Comfort<br>**_

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><p>So, it's freshman year and Karma already fucks up, because she knows it's what she's best at. It's only the third week of school, and she has gotten an alcohol citation. Karma was flirting with some frat boy she met in her English 101 class, and they are drinking and smoking and kissing in some random park off campus, and it felt <em>good<em>, but then a cop comes by and almost arrests them for trespassing. The cope feels bad that she's a freshman and clearly freaked out, so he only gives her an underage-drinking citation. (She never talks to the frat boy again.) Even though it's a lesser charge than both possession and trespassing, she's still unbelievably shaken.

After the cop lets them go, Karma runs away. She ignores his protests of "are you okay? Hold on Karma, I swear this isn't as bad as it sounds." Because she just got here, and she's not ready to have to go to court and face all of these fucking consequences… of course she'd be so unlucky. The first thing she does when she finds a bench actually on school grounds, brightly lit and assuredly next to a blue box, is call Liam Booker. He answers her, worried that she's calling at 2am on a school night.

"Karma, are you okay?" His voice sounds tired, but awake. And that's all she needs to not feel terrible about bothering him in the middle of the night.

"Liam. I fucked up. And I don't know what to tell my parents or Amy or anyone…I can't breathe, I feel like, of course this would happen to me freshman year. You'd think I'd remember to do good things and all, because of the name, but I know I have bad karma, because I do shitty things and this was bound to happen at some point, but did it really have to be—"

"Slow down, Karma," Liam sounds more alert now. "Breathe, it's going to be okay."

"I think I'm still high," Karma cradles the phone against her ear, grateful for the rare lack of humidity.

"Just explain what happened, from start to finish," And when she doesn't respond right away, he tacks on: "No judgment."

"Jack is this cute sophomore from my English class. He took me to a park off-campus tonight, and we smoked and drank together. It was nice, but I had a bad feeling the entire time. I knew it was dumb to do these things in public, but he made it seem like it was _his spot_ and well I trusted him, because he seemed to know his way around UT. And then a cop came and gave us alcohol citations. Luckily nothing else, but it still feels awful to have gotten caught at all." Liam was quiet, making sure that Karma was really finished with her story.

"It sounds like it's going to be okay, Karma," Liam is relieved that she's not hurt and that the guy wasn't an asshole, just an idiot. "I'm gonna suggest you never hangout with Jack again, though."

"Of course I won't. I'm mostly worried about Amy's reaction. What if she judges me for being so dumb? I'm scared, Liam." She sighs into the phone, her eyes tired from already having cried before she made the phone call.

"Do you want me to come there? Are you still outside, by the way?"

"I'm safe, don't worry, Liam. Literally five minutes away from my quad. I think I'll back inside soon."

"Okay, good. And about Amy, I think she'll try her hardest to be there for you through this. I know it's going to be rough telling your parents. But at least you know they'll eventually be supportive of you, rather than considering excommunicating you from the family like mine would." Liam forces a laugh.

"I know you're right. My parents probably would've wanted to _fight the man_ with me if I had gotten arrested for pot. But still, I know they won't exactly be proud. We don't have a fortune to spend on college in the first place."

"Right, and that's what Amy and I are here for. You've got to tell her at some point. So go back to your dorm, take a shower, and then let her know. Get some rest, and figure out what you need to do for your court date tomorrow." He hopes Karma is more relaxed by now. She sounds less anxious over the sound.

"Okay. Thanks for everything. Good night, Liam." Karma doesn't wait for his response. She's tired of talking about it, and even more exhausted by how often the encounter with the cop has replayed in her mind. Liam's idea of a shower is a truly brilliant one.

When Karma reenters the room, she can sense that Amy is still awake, even though the lights are off and she is carefully tucked into bed. Karma showers and changes quickly, feeling guilty that she'll have to rouse Amy so late into the night. Karma sits on her bed, for a full twenty minutes, looking toward Amy, an unexpected question that jostles in her mind.

Amy finally breaks the silence by asking, without removing the pillow from over her head, "Are you okay? It's freaking late and I can feel your gaze penetrating my awful bedhead."

"Yeah," Karma responds, suddenly the idea of explaining everything to Amy sounds akin to hiking Mount Everest. Five minutes later, the wrong words come out, and she's asking Amy: "Can I sleep with you?" without any explanation, which makes the request kind of weird, even for them.

"Yeah," Amy says, pulling down her duvet and allowing the other girl to slide in. Karma doesn't know why she needs to be close to her, when before, when after the conversation with Liam the last thing she had wanted to do was be near _anyone_. It felt like dropping off the face of the earth would have been preferable to facing someone that would eventually need to know about her stupid freshman mistake. That's why Karma feels a tightness in her stomach when she finds Amy holding her, their hands almost interlocking. Even though Karma doesn't sleep well that night, Amy's body next to hers is comforting.

The next morning, Karma watches Amy get ready for class. She slowly puts on her ring, taking even more care than usual to put her books and notebook into her backpack. She seems to hesitate for a long time. When Karma finally sees Amy ready to walk out the door, she removes herself from Amy's bed, yesterday's clothes on and all. She walks close to Amy, and hugs her for a very long time. Karma is on the verge of tears, but doesn't feel quite ready, yet to explain what has happened. They stay like that for a long time, and when they break apart Amy doesn't ask what happens, just says, "see you at lunch?"

It comes out more as a statement rather than a question, and it hangs in the air as Amy opens their door and leaves.


	2. Heat

_**2. Heat**_

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><p>It's October and the Texas weather is not as unbearable as usual. Karma still sleeps with Amy almost every night. They talked about what happened, but mostly Karma tries not to think about it. Sometimes she'll catch herself tracing the red circle around the date of January 21st. (She still needs to buy business-casual slacks to appear in court.) Amy has oddly been as supportive as ever, not asking for any more detail about what happened, considering the vague outline of events Karma had provided. She only gently reminds Karma to call her lawyer at important times, and keeps her afloat and away from drinking too hard when they do decide to go out to parties.<p>

It's the weekend before Halloween, and Karma is excited, because it's a costume party. Their floor is going to the usual apartment party, but everyone's decked out in the sluttiest or funniest outfit, and they're all abuzz with freshman excitement. Karma pregames a little harder than usual, because Amy is too happy about her favorite holiday to scold her; Karma is dressed in a skimpy maid uniform, and Amy is wearing a cop uniform with the shirt entirely unbuttoned and a bandeau underneath. They're both showing a little more skin than usual; hoping to be daring and have fun. It's college.

Amy wants to hook up as much as the next girl, whereas Karma has been a little turned off from guys since Jack. She hasn't been with anyone lately, but she still enjoys the attention she manages to attract from guys at parties and that's good enough. They head out, walking in a huge pack with the rest of the group, everyone warm from alcohol.

The apartment is loud and dark. Everyone is grinding, writhing, drinking to the music. It's a nice escape for Karma, and she feels odd when she notices Amy exiting the dance floor with another girl's hand in hers. Karma wants that ease of flirtation, but the thought also makes her incredibly nervous. She pushes her way through the throngs of people, mixing herself an even stronger drink. The cheap vodka burns her throat with each sip, but it feels nice to slip deeper into intoxication.

There's a guy with his hands on her. At first, they're dancing passionately and it stirs arousal in Karma. She doesn't like him, can't remember his name, but they're both rather good at keeping to the beat. The next moment, she remembers Amy and feels a little disgusted with herself. She wants to remove him from her, but he's too into the moment, grinding behind her. Desperately, her eyes scan the room for Amy.

The other girl had just returned from the kitchen with another beer when she noticed Karma looking out for help. Her expression screamed needing rescuing, which Amy was happy to help. She hated the thought of her best friend feeling uncomfortable.

"Dude, your times up," Amy obnoxious tries to ward off the rather tall, frat-looking bro.

"Well, I'm Ryan, nice to meet you," He tries.

"Don't care. Now get your hands off of my friend, please."

"What? No, we're still dancing here. You want to still dance, right?" And he tightens his grip on Karma's hips. And now there is almost fear in Karma's eyes, and Amy wants to pummel this guy, but she refrains.

"Ryan, we're leaving." Amy yanks Karma away. He stops protesting, a little too drunk to entirely process what has happened.

On the walk home, Karma is stumbling more than usual. Lately, she's been the more sober of the two; taking care of drunken Amy is generally hilarious. But now the roles are reversed, and Amy is handling Karma with a lot of concern. Ever since "the incident" Karma has pretty much avoided weed, but tonight she managed to take a hit from some Ryan's blunt before they left the party. They cross the street carefully, arms interlocked.

"C'mon, Amy! That was _a lot _of fun. Every night should be Halloweekend!" Karma slurs excitedly, maybe too loudly.

"Yeah, but next time try not to warm up to some creep like that Ryan-dude," Amy scoffs at the still-intoxicated Karma. "Anyways, do you need my shirt or something? Are you cold?"

"Thanks for saving me. I knew you would…and no, I'm super warm, actually. Besides if you took off that shirt you'd pretty much be wearing just a bra and I don't know if I'd approve of that." Karma smiles happily to herself, walking a little straighter now.

"Yeah, you're right. It'd be indecent as hell. And I don't want to be leered at on this walk home," Amy says without really thinking. She's concentrating on making it back to their dorm without getting lost. (Usually Karma's the one better at directions.)

"Thanks for taking care of me," Karma yawns as she slides into Amy's bed, only wearing her underwear and a t-shirt. Amy just rolls her eyes, glad that they made it home in one piece. Another successful night of going out, all proceeded as usual. Karma drank two bottles of water before lying down. Check. Amy had made sure they _both _had managed to brush their teeth. Check. Amy's bed (which was suddenly becoming the one of the two beds used at all) was preemptively made, the sheets smoothed out, before they got in to mess it up all over again. Check.

Amy kisses Karma on the cheek, closing her eyes, hoping exhaustion will take over her still slightly tipsy state. But Karma is still _drunk_, and that is a huge mistake, because Amy finds herself being kissed _hard_ by her best friend. It isn't fair, because Karma is straight and not attracted to her, and Amy is no longer in love, but then there is Karma's mouth on hers. Their tongues feel warm and hot together. It is what Amy had dreamed of for almost two years, but she turns her head away, because she knows how much Karma will regret this.

She wants to slap Karma, to tell her that this is stupid, but she can't even muster that much. And Karma finds her lips again, hungrily kissing her. It feels wet and ungraceful, but Amy knows that inside she revels in the feeling of being this _close _to her best friend. She can already feel the growing regret inside both of them, but she loves the tangibility of Karma against her. Amy weakly tries turning her head away in protest for the second time, but Karma finds her all the same. It hurts and feels so good to Amy that she lets it happen. Amy can smell Karma's shampoo. She holds Karma close, and knows the softness of her skin is unique to any other girl she has touched. It reminds her of falling in love for the first time, and though those feelings ignite, deep beneath her consciousness, their aching burn still scorches her. The wounds are fresh on the surface, and they begin to reopen.

Karma fell asleep a less drunk and incredibly satisfied. But if she had been even a little more sober, she would have felt her best friend's wracking sobs beside her.


	3. Play

_**3. Play**_

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><p>Karma tries to deny that it ever happened, but she feels her guilt build every day. Amy never mentions the impromptu make-out session, but it has been eating at Karma all week. Even her musical writing class hasn't been nearly as enjoyable as usual. She tries to avoid the subject of Halloween at all, instead putting her nervous energy working on assignments early at the library, away from their room.<p>

It almost works. Karma successfully avoids Amy, save for at night wherein Karma still thoughtlessly crawls into Amy's bed. They have both found that sleeping together and cuddling feels more normal than weird after few nights, because they _are_ best friends. Karma is reading her textbook for class when her phone buzzes in her pocket. She assumes it's Liam, because he's been asking her to eat dinner together for a few days now.

Other than Amy, Karma has only seen friends from class, mostly to study together. She does not want to really hangout with anyone close enough to notice that there is an inner turmoil going on inside of her head. Karma wishes she could just go to sleep and not wake up until the fall semester is over. But she's motivated by the thought that she _needs_ to do well in school to show her parents she isn't going to suddenly become some criminal. Even though they took the news of her alcohol citation surprisingly well, they still mentioned what would happen if she ever lost her scholarships. (No college.) And that kind of wake-up call drove Karma to new heights of focus.

The library is always filled with every type of student: those procrastinating on their laptops, stressed and focused engineers, and people hyped up on Adderall planning on staying until ungodly hours. It made Karma feel better, being in a room full of people, even if she might never strike a conversation with any of them. She continues to take notes, ignoring her phone until it goes off again.

**07:30 PM – Amy:** Hey. Are you coming back soon?

**07:34 PM – Karma:** Miss me already?

**07:40 PM – Amy: **Of course, I haven't had you all to myself in a while.

The message is so honest, Karma almost wants to turn off her phone and ignore it. She considers her response.

**08:00 PM – Karma: **Sorry, I've been a bit tied up lately.

**08:03 PM – Amy:** Gross, don't reference your kinky sex life to me. ;)

Karma isn't sure why this sudden comment makes her nervous. It is just a joke, but she can't help but think about being in a compromising position with someone else. It seems like the epitome of intimacy. And though Karma knows very little about BDSM, she understands that it requires complete trust.

After another half hour of diligent note taking, Karma leaves the library to meet Amy for dinner. Karma is eating a vaguely edible wrap, and Amy is scarfing down fries and chicken tenders like there's no tomorrow. Because it's late, almost when the dining hall will transition to serving its late night menu, there aren't many people around.

So, Karma feels doubly unlucky when she finds Liam Booker walking toward them. He is with three other people. It's mostly weird to see him around so late, because he lives off campus in an apartment.

"Don't look now, it's the broody _Squirkle _Heir," Amy jokes. She still doesn't like him too much, but she knows Karma and Liam are strictly friends now.

"Too late," Liam laughs as he walks up the pair. "How are you, Karma…Amy?" He seems to tack on Amy as an after thought.

"Good, leaving actually," Karma isn't in the mood to deal with Liam's overbearing concern.

"Alright, see you ladies around then," Karma smiles sheepishly at him, as he leaves to rejoin his friends. She pulls Amy up, mid-bite, and forces them to leave. They walk back to the quad silently.

When they're in their room, door locked, Amy immediately goes to the bed and buries herself under the sheets. Karma wants to join her friend, but thinks better of it and goes to her desk, opening her laptop to work on editing her paper for English. From beneath her nest, Amy watches Karma for a few minutes. Then the interrogation begins.

"Yo, Karma, what was up with you and Booker earlier? I mean, I'm not a fan of him either, but you seemed mighty hasty to get outta there," Amy's eyes are closed, but she seems to be thinking about something hard.

"Oh, it's nothing," Karma lies. "I just realized I needed to work on this paper."

"If you say so. You've been acting weird lately—skittish, almost. Everything okay, Karma?"

"Never better." Amy's concern makes Karma feel guilty, but she's not sure what to say. Really, she should be asking Amy if she's okay, with the way she's been acting. Drunkenly kissing her and not explaining or apologizing for it later? Cuddling with her like it's a normal best friend thing to do? Avoiding Amy to avoid the guilt? Karma feels like the worse best friend ever, but she's not sure how to approach any of these subjects. So she continues rereading her paper.

A couple of minutes pass, then:

"I don't really believe you, Karma. But I'll let it slide," Amy comments without looking up from a game of Candy Crush on her phone. Eventually, Karma finishes her homework when Amy gets ready to start hers. Amy gathers her materials and heads to the lounge.

Karma returns to her shower to find the room still empty. She is sitting at her computer still in a towel, feeling too lazy to change yet. She's mindlessly browsing Facebook when Amy suddenly bursts through the door rather loudly.

"Fuck! I forgot my problem set in here," Amy whines, and then she realizes Karma isn't dressed. "Shit, sorry." Amy scurries into the room, grabs a sheet of paper on her desk, and promptly exits.

**10:17 PM – Karma: **Amy, why did you almost have a heart attack just now? Breathe!

**10:19 PM – Amy: **You startled me.

**10:25 PM – Karma: **Geez, by the way you ran out of there it's like I was watching porn or something.

**10:30 PM – Amy: **Was it bondage?

**10:37 PM – Karma: **Do your homework, Amy.

It's past midnight when Amy finally comes back to their room. Karma has just finished her cup of tea.

"Sorry about earlier, I was just pissed. Frankie wanted to race me who could finish the problem set first, but I didn't actually have it with me. He refused to share, so needless to say, I had to sprint here to grab it." Amy explains haphazardly while she removes each article of clothing, discarding it in her laundry hamper.

"Did you win?" Karma quirks an eyebrow.

"Yep. He now owes me a dozen doughnuts," Amy smiles triumphantly, wrapping a towel around herself. Of course Frankie would make that sort of bet with her. He's a cocky guy that lives on their floor, also a computer science major. Karma feels weird about the thought of Amy and Frankie doing homework together, even if it is under the guise of a competition for doughnuts. She doesn't like the thought of them spending extra time together.

But it's really inevitable that Amy will extra spend time with any of the guys on their floor, considering that most of them hang out in the lounge. And Amy seems to focus better in the lounge, rather than in their room. Karma dismisses the jealous inkling, thinking that the time apart is good for them. She doesn't want to confuse Amy more, even if it's not as risky since Amy has gotten over her feelings for her.

Amy walks out of their room to take a shower, oblivious of Karma's inner conflict. That's when Karma decides to call it a night, and while Amy's not in the room, she makes the autonomous decision to settle into her own bed. It feels less comfortable than Amy's bed. But she knows it'll be healthier to draw the line of separation.

When Amy returns from her shower, hair still wet, smelling like her body wash, she immediately notices Karma in her own bed. The lights are off and it's dark, so she can't tell if Karma's eyes are closed, but Amy utilizes the element of surprise by pouncing on top of Karma.

"Amy, what the hell?!" Amy's straddling Karma, still in only a towel. She starts tickling Karma's next, and the next moment their laughter fills the dark room. Karma tries to reverse their positions, but the comforter confines her so she isn't at a good angle to do much.

"You have to say mercy," Amy smirks.

"Amy—" Here Karma gasps in laughter. "MERCY!" Amy stops, and Karma finally catches her breath. It feels good when they return to this kind of playful friendship that they have always had. Amy is usually the instigator, while Karma goes along with her antics. Even though Karma has felt distant lately, Amy knows the right moment of when to draw her back in. That's what Karma loves most about their friendship: they manage to give and take so perfectly from each other.

"Karma, are you really going to sleep there tonight?" Amy questions her, which Karma is surprised by that.

"Yeah, I guess I should really sleep in my own bed some of these nights." Karma wants to shrug, but Amy is still on top of her in a fresh towel. They seem to be near naked around each other a lot these days.

"Fiiiiine, you have a point," Amy pouts. Actually pouts, which is something Karma finds hilarious. Amy constantly tries to act sardonic and carefree when she's around everyone else, but around Karma she is comfortable enough to show this _cute_ side of herself.

"But tomorrow you'll sleep with me?" She asks with a little more hope than Karma had expected.

"Of course," Karma grins mischievously. "What's friendship without cuddling?"

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><p><strong>AN:** If you couldn't already tell, this is a very Karma-centric story. I wanted to explore the intricacies of her character a little more, partially because I already feel like "Faking It" portrays Amy's quite well. But for the most part, the show has made Karma seem rather shallow and callous. But I know she's much more than that.


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